Dating – What He Means by ‘Not Ready’ for Commitment
You’ve been dating for weeks, or months, or maybe even years. You might share dinners, weekends, or even a home. However, whenever you raise the subject of marriage, he says something like, “Quit pushing me. I’m not ready.”
That’s a big warning sign. The relationship isn’t over, but you might wake up one morning and discover that he’s met someone else.
The really demoralizing moment is when you see how quickly he got engaged (and maybe married) to her.
You wonder what was wrong with you. What was so much better about her, that he was eager to commit… and so quickly?
Long conversations with the mirror won’t help. Nor will well-meaning assurances by friends that “he wasn’t good enough for you, ” and “you can do better.”
If you don’t learn what makes men tick, you’re going to go through this over and over again. You need to learn the secret that the other women know… the ones who steal the guys out from under a long-term relationship, and actually get the guy to the altar.
It’s not about you. It’s about him. When you look for the answer in yourself or in his new girlfriend/wife, you’re looking in the wrong place.
I didn’t know that before I learned about the Girl Gets Ring system.
The answer was there, all along, and I didn’t see it, even when it was staring me in the face.
Really, it’s not about you. It’s about him. I can’t say that strongly enough.
Also, it has far less to do with you and how much he did (or didn’t) love you, and everything to do with something he needed but didn’t know how to ask for. In fact, he probably didn’t know what was missing… but the next girlfriend did. (And I’m not talking about sex or even sex appeal.)
To be perfectly blunt, any woman will have an unfair advantage when she understands the four core feelings that drive men into (or away from) marriage.
Without that information, it’s like playing the lottery. You might win, but it’s far more likely that you won’t.
I’ve read a lot of self-help books. I’ve also studied psychology and tried to understand why men seem so commitment-phobic.
Seriously, what kind of complete jerk says to his friends “Why would I buy the cow when I can get the milk for free?” or jokes “Marriage is an institution, and I’m not ready for an institution.”
That’s a guy who has a huge, gaping hole inside and he doesn’t know how to fill it.
When the girl comes along who understands that, and helps him connect with the four core feelings he must have to feel intimacy on a deep level… he’s going to feel complete, and rush her into marriage so fast, his friends will gasp in amazement.
If you want to be that girl — the one who connects with her guy immediately, and never has to deal with him saying “I’m just not ready” — I can’t recommend anything more than the Girl Gets Ring system.
It’s the only one I’ve seen that finally explains that men really do want commitment. They do want a deep connection. And, they crave intimacy on a deep level far beyond anything physical.
And, it’s the only system I’ve seen that can help you see results in days… not weeks or months.
If you’re ready to stop beating yourself up over failed relationships, and you want to finally have a loving relationship that not only works, it lasts for a lifetime, I recommend the Girl Gets Ring system. It’s the only one I’ve seen that’s honest.
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Dating, Sex, and the Media
When you’re dating, sex can be a big issue.
For some couples, sex before marriage is not an option. That’s usually a religious decision.
At the other extreme, some couples are intimate from the beginning, with a “Sure, why not?” casual attitude.
Many couples are somewhere in between those extremes. The question for them is: How soon is “too soon”?
On Bravo’s TV series, Millionaire Matchmaker, star Patti Stanger usually advises couples not to have sex until they’ve both agreed that it’s a committed, monogamous relationship. That sounds good when she says it, but is it the right decision for you?
However, in the January 2012 issue of Allure magazine (page 45), Ms. Stanger advised women about refusing a man’s request for a date. She said that you should tell the man that he’s a great guy, but you just don’t feel that all-important chemistry.
So far, so good.
Then she said,
“Believe me, when a man hears a woman won’t have sex with him, he’ll move on.”
For chaste women and those who prefer to postpone intimacy until a mutual commitment is clear, that’s a harsh message. I’m not sure it’s the kind of dating advice I’d give my daughter.
To be fair, I’m pretty sure Ms. Stanger meant, “… won’t have sex with him, ever.”
Nevertheless, this is the kind of message that confuses many women when they’re looking for — or think they’ve found — Mr. Right.
The media love to play on your insecurities. They present sex as an integral part of dating, and maybe even the make-or-break issue if you want to get him to commit.
Frankly, that’s manipulative. It’s the media manipulating you, telling you something that’s not true. It can also lead you to manipulate your relationship, dangling the incentive of sex to get him to say what you want to hear.
With that kind of bait, chances are: He’ll say whatever you want him to say. He’ll talk about commitment, marriage, kids, and anything else that lulls you into thinking sex is a smart and important step towards the altar.
Someone needs to tell you the truth. If sex before marriage is a make-or-break issue for your guy, that’s not love. Lust can get you to the altar, sometimes, but — sooner or later — you’re going to look at him and wonder if you made a terrible mistake. He might be thinking the same thing.
All you need is love, as the Beatles said.
To be fair, a lot of men think they need sex to be sure of the relationship. It’s because their emotions are engaged, but something feels like it’s missing. Your guy might think a physical commitment will fill that void. He hopes it will get him past that “not ready” uneasiness, and take your relationship to the next step… the one that eventually leads to marriage.
Unfortunately, it’s the wrong answer, if he has that “something’s missing” feeling. If anything, sex can drive him away from you. The implied commitment of sex can send him running out the door — permanently — faster than the worst argument.
What he’s missing is something he can’t quite put his finger on. It’s the kind of connection that only you can provide, but it has nothing to do with the bedroom.
That’s what you’ll learn in the Girl Gets Ring system. Or, you might start to figure it out on your own, after a series of failed relationships. That’s precious time you’ll never get back.
Women’s magazines and other media might try to convince you that being “hot” and good in bed are important qualities that will get him to commit. That’s misleading and can ruin relationships.
If sex were necessary to cement a relationship, absolutely no one who’s “waiting for marriage” would be married.
And, if sex were a sure thing to get a man to commit, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article. Chances are: Sex didn’t keep the guy by your side in the past. It’s not going to be the make-or-break point for your next relationship, either.
Physical intimacy can be an important part of a committed relationship. However, if you’re having sex thinking, “Maybe this will get him to marry me,” that’s the wrong tactic. One thing I learned from the Girl Gets Ring system is: If he’s getting that antsy, “not ready to commit” edginess and he says he’s feeling pushed when you talk about your future together, he probably doesn’t know what’s missing in the relationship. The GGR system will explain that to you, and what you can do to make a difference.
Don’t let the media manipulate you into thinking that sex is the answer to a stalled relationship. And don’t let your man think sex will fix that uneasiness he’s feeling.
The answer is somewhere else, and — frankly — it’s not that complicated.
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Your First Date – It's Not an Interview
Do you struggle to get a second date? Do men seem to be interested in you, but after a date or two, they suddenly act distant?
It’s not you, it’s them.
Really. It’s not your glasses, your weight, your age, or your cellulite. It’s not even the fact that you’re a single mom, or that your clothes are out-of-style. Do you snort when you laugh really hard? That’s not going to be a deal-breaker.
Buying the latest phone or tablet or reader won’t help. Nor will botox, piercings, or a tattoo.
And don’t even think about a butt lift, a tummy tuck, or breast implants.
It’s not you. It’s the men. I mean it.
You and I have been given some very bad advice. At every grocery store cash register, magazines tell us how to lose weight, be better in bed, play hard-to-get, dress for success, or look like the air-brushed sex goddess on the magazine cover… as if that’s going to summon Mr. Right and make him fall in love with us.
Seriously. Did Prince Charming really marry Cinderella because her foot was the right size for that glass slipper? Was the guy not bright enough to recognize her a second time, as soon as he saw her?
The messages women get… they’re toxic. They make us think we need to change ourselves like chameleons, play relationship games, and generally manipulate our guy to “land” him like he’s a fish.
Please. That’s not honest and that’s not romance, either.
But, it’s what we were taught, by our parents and grandparents, by the media and by the kids we went to school with. All the messages were: Become the girl he wants you to be, and he’ll fall in love with you.
So, you go out on a date. You pretend to be interested in the same things he’s interested in. You listen attentively as he talks, listening for cues about the woman he wants.
You ask about his career plans, whether he belongs to a gym, where he lives and if he has roommates. You might question him about his parents and siblings, and — if they have jobs — what they do.
At some point in the conversation, he stops feeling like you’re interested in his interests. It sounds more like you’re interviewing him for the job of husband.
He’s looking for love and companionship. He’s looking for a deep emotional connection, and that spark of something he thought he saw in your eyes when you met.
The problem is, nobody told you that men really do want commitment and intimacy.
Your ever-so-casual, interview-style conversation is exactly what he doesn’t want. In fact, that’s probably why he doesn’t call you after that first date.
At this point, you’re wondering what you should say on your first date… and your second… and your third.
It comes down to honesty. That’s a big part of it.
However, you also need to unlearn a lot of dating and relationship rules you probably take for granted. Replace it with a deeper understanding of what’s really going on with men.
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Dating – When You’ve Made a Big Mistake
In every relationship, there’s usually a time when one (or both) of you realize you’ve made a mistake. Maybe a big mistake.
It could be something obvious, like he forgot your birthday. Or, it could be the time he saw you hugging another guy after you’d had one too many drinks at a party.
He might have gone on a date with an old girlfriend, and — though nothing happened and he’s glad he’s with you, instead — he still feels guilty that he never told you about it.
Or, maybe he pretended to be richer than he is, or you acted as if your job was more important than it is, and there’s been no easy way to explain how that happened.
Whether they’re big indiscretions or “little white lies,” they can hit your relationship hard. In fact, they can kill the romance dead.
The big question is: Can you get past that?
Stephen Covey (the “7 Habits” guy) talks about the emotional bank account. It’s important to be sure it’s never overdrawn. If you make a mistake, you do something to make up for it.
But… what do you do when it’s a big mistake. A really big one? And, what do you do when you suspect that the man in your life is hiding a big, painful secret?
Is there a way to put so much back into that emotional bank account, it’s the equivalent of a massive lottery win?
The answer is yes.
It all comes down to honesty.
That doesn’t mean you should rush into a detailed confession that will send him running out the door. Nor should you nag, push and prod him into his own confession. In fact, that’s such a certain way to kill a relationship beyond any hope of saving it, you may as well keep your secrets and part friends.
I’m talking about a different kind of honesty, the kind where you’re being authentic in your relationship. No faking. No manipulating. No pretenses. No deception, and no more “little white lies.”
He wants to be your superhero, and he needs to feel that you appreciate him for that. It’s as simple as that.
However, where you are now in the relationship… it may not seem all that “simple” to get your romance back on track. Most magazine articles and relationship books will give you perfectly awful advice.
Guilt is a terrible thing, but now may not be the best time to bare your soul. Or, if you suspect him of doing something wrong, cornering him and forcing the truth out of him… that’s a really bad idea.
I can recommend a step-by-step course that can turn your relationship around, almost immediately. It even includes something called the “clean slate method” that’s as close to a mistake-eraser as it gets.
When I tell you that it’s called the Girl Gets Ring system, you may roll your eyes. You might feel that you’re far away from marriage and “happily ever after,” and you’ve read enough articles and books about how to manipulate your guy into a proposal, thank you very much.
Well, it’s not that kind of system. In fact, it’s pretty much one-of-a-kind. It’s a non-manipulative, non-pushy way to bring honesty and romance into your relationship. And, with that foundation… well, it’s the quickest, easiest, and smartest way to built the kind of loving relationship you deserve.
If you’re one step away from breaking up, you need this book and the audios that go with it. If your relationship has become so empty, you’re wondering if it really is “better than being alone,” you need the Girl Gets Ring system.
Getting engaged and married may seem nearly impossible, based on how your relationship is right now.
However, I can promise you this: Girl Gets Ring can revive your relationship.
Don’t give up on your relationship until you’ve tried it. You’re minutes away from beginning to restore the romance you once shared.
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What to Do When He’s ‘Just Not That Into You’
Do you know the signs that he’s “just not that into you”?
Do you know how to get your relationship unstuck and moving towards marriage?
A lot of women’s magazines will tell you to play “hard to get.” They explain that, if he thinks he might lose you, he’ll come to his senses and do everything he can to make you happy again.
…WRONG ANSWER!
Others will tell you to make yourself more attractive: Lose a few pounds. Change your hairstyle or hair color. Update your wardrobe. Learn some new moves to increase his pleasure when you’re alone.
… MORE WRONG ANSWERS!
When you were first dating, you followed “the rules” you thought would work. You asked him about his career. You pretended to be interested in his hobbies. You paid close attention to the cues he sent about what he likes in a woman, and you did your best to become that woman.
But somehow, at the end of each date, you always felt like you’d missed something important. That deep connection was almost there, but not quite.
Weeks, months, or even years later, you feel like you’re the one doing all the work in the relationship… and he’s still putting on the brakes when it comes to commitment.
Seriously, do you think you can keep all of that up after you’re married (if he ever proposes), and maintain the house, cook the meals, take the kids to ballet classes and soccer, and maybe hold down a job, too?
Yes, it’s reality-check time.
You’ve been a sucker for media manipulation. Magazines and TV shows have played on your insecurities. They’ve given you bad advice, just so you’ll buy the next issue (or watch the next show) to learn what you’re not doing right.
It’s not about faking it. Not in terms of your interests, and not in bed.
It’s not about your weight. It’s not about your job, or how busy you are. It’s not about your age or the pressure of your biological clock. It’s not even about those bouts of PMS.
It’s about him, and the four core feelings that make him feel conflicted, inside, without ever telling you what’s going on.
Why is he doing that? Because he doesn’t even know he’s sabotaging himself. In fact, he probably set the trap — the one that prevents him from finding the deep emotional connection he wants — on the very first date… and he hasn’t a clue what he did wrong.
Now it’s your turn to put on the brakes. Take a deep breath, and find better answers.
Fortunately, the answers are easy to find if you know where to look. And, you can fix your broken relationship, bring romance back into your life, and have fun at the same time.
Girl Gets Ring is the system you’re looking for.
You won’t have to be pushy. You won’t be playing hard-to-get. You won’t pretend to be someone you’re not. And, it won’t cost you an arm and a leg, the way some dating sites do.
This system is going to bring honesty back into your relationship. It can change the very second you begin using the quick-start tips in the Girl Gets Ring system.
Get ready for your man to do a double-take, like he’s seeing you with fresh eyes. Expect him to pause, and ask himself why he didn’t see the real you — the wonderful woman he wants to be with — until now.
This system is going to get him past his fears of commitment… the same worries that have ruined his past relationships and made him almost lose you, too.
No manipulation is required. No silly game-playing, and no ridiculous scripts that sound as fake as they are.
Girl Gets Ring is the way to start fresh in your relationship, with a level of honesty that’s going to be a breath of fresh air for both of you.
Click here to see the long, helpful, free video lesson.
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